Writer after God's Own Heart

I totally do not know now Things running on my mind Swimming all around I wish I could find Thinking everything is blunt Yet focus is out of notch Finding the true math Truth should be in path Days passed so fast Years ended too quick in a glance Yet feet could not start the dance Stamped the toes on fire Held the fan too tight Swayed the thought in plight Penned the hand in band Body swirled in vine Dreaded with the facts Things should've done Misses added in the run Stretched so hard Wondering the what Answering the ask Thinking of the how The fashion of the plow Cleansed the plank Tears were wiped Felt the heat of heart Burning incense of love Rescued jewel so fine Diamond pressed in fire Created in complexity of your hand Could no more explain the why Died in the ninth hour Completed what was written in time Victory over the scam Foe was painted in blank Water and blood poured the ground Veiled torn in half Door opened so wide A n...

Something has been roaming around my mind Questions, questions that keep on lighting up inside But the answers are not so plain in sight Thus wishing words may come in light. Thinking of the things that could reason out the "What" or the "Why" Huh! Thoughts are crashing over and are out of the line Still hoping that truth will come to bring peace and life So that the dead hope will come back in might I tried seeking a hand everywhere for a guide Even soaring up in the sky so high to glide While fixing the lenses to focus the eyes However failure knocked down everything in just one plight These efforts? Those works? All boiled down to die Did many on my own just to simply get burnt and tired Letting the joy in my heart be stricken and fired Rolling! Walking around, here and there without a paint of smile Denied help to live and survive so many times Fear, failures and doubt; Oh something I shrug and deny Although I know deep within I am hurting ...

There are times I keep on questioning myself on why am I here? Why am I doing what I am doing? Is it that worthwhile to do the things I thought I am supposed to do or asked to do? These are the questions running in my head now. I may know the answer before but now it is starting to vague. I am starting to question my intention or the will which I am supposed to follow. It is sad that people thought I am that good where in fact I am not. They even thought that I maybe a super human which I am not. I am not okay. I always thought I have found my track but it seems the road I am heading is starting to fade. I have always thought that I have the best things in my life but right now they seem to be wrong. I have been asking why these things are happening. As to when these things will leave me. But no answer. Nothing at all. Am I drunk? Am I crazy? Have I totally lost my mind? Am I sick? Oh dude, I need help. I am drowning. I am sucking these flowers out of my head. I am petrified....

Salamat Mahal   Ako'y hindi iniwan Nung ikaw ay kailangan. Bakit lumisan? Sabi mo'y tayo lamang? Ano bang kulang? Puso'y lupaypay Hanap ka nitong tunay Bumalik ka na. Nangungulila Sayo tuwi-tuwina Asan ka na ba?

ang sakit nito. nabasted ulit ako. bakit ganito? ano bang meron? may mali yata ako? di ko matanto. kulang ba ako? sabihin mo ang totoo. wag nang itago.

Nangyari ito nung bata pa si Jose. Noong sila ay nabibilang sa matataas na pamilya sa Nayon ng Malusak. Sila ay dating kilala bilang pinakamayaman sa kanilang lugar ngunit nagbago ito. Masagana sana silang namumuhay sa kanilang nayon kasama ng kanyang inang si Josefina at mga nakakatandang kapatid na sina Juan na panganay at Nene ang pangalawa samantalang si Jose ang bunso. Nagmamay-ari ang pamilya nila ng isang malaking pabrika sa  kanilang nayon. Ito ay pabrika ng kanyang amang si Pedring at nagbigay ng kabuhayan sa kanilang mga ka nayon. Ang pabrikang ito ay pinanggagalingan ng mga papel, plastic  at tela. Ngunit itong pabrikang ay nagdudulot din ng hindi magandang epekto sa kapaligaran at kalusugan ng nakakarami. Marami ang nagrereklamo kay Lolo Pedring ngunit para lang pipi't bulag at bingi sya sa mga samo ng kanyang mga kanayon. Dumadami at lumalaki ang produksyon ng kanyang pabrika at dumadami din ang mga nagtatrabaho dito kaakibat din nito ang pagdami ng mga tao...

Right at this moment, awakening is at the doorstep of my heart waiting for the sun to shine but to no reason its light will not show up. With no intention to think, questions rushed through my head as if it was on the race with the beaming light of the sun. I thought maybe I am on the lazy day of my week because I intend not to do what I am ask to do or have I forgotten what is the reason of living the entire day.  I have been searching for ways yet seemingly there's none to cater my concerns. It seems like my questions will be unanswered. As I recall how I was back then, I realize I am no longer the person who could easily find ways to resolve my issues. I didn't know what happened or why have I changed a lot. Is it the beginning of my life now? Or am I just being stubborn to listen to what I am told to do? All these are inside of me. I couldn't take them off or not even put them into writings instead to ease what I was feeling.